The life of a story


A mini-guide to surviving the Holidays

Job Layoffs - Maybe it's me but it seems to me this is the time of year when large corporations decide to announce MASSIVE layoffs. Go to Google news, use the search term 'layoffs' and you'll see what I mean. It's a big 'fuck-you-from-those-of-us-who-care' type of thing so, 'Merry fucking Christmas buddy'. It doesn't seem to matter what industry it is either. The push to spread this Christmas cheer starts building up just after Thanksgiving here in the U.S.

The first sign that this is about to happen in your company is when you realize that no one is talking up the annual company Christmas party. Also you'll begin to notice no mention of company bonuses that spreads healthy company wealth around. When/If it happens to you, all the plans you made by Halloween in late October just flew out the window and all of a sudden your 401(k) is almost worthless and the money you've been saving starts to vanish with a roaring vengeance. The worst part is that this is the worst, most depressing time of the year to have to look for a job. You look around you and people seem happy, they're buying Christmas gifts. Seeing others like this is depressing and angering. Even bums selling apples on the street corner is enough to send you into unemployed rage. Well, I say fuck 'em.

Start by dragging your ass as soon as possible down to the unemployment office where most of your work buddies are and get the paperwork going for unemployment compensation. Besides you can commiserate in equal opportunity self-delusions. This is an especially good year for that since, we elected a president that promises to extend unemployment and give each of us a turkey. Next, you should call up a few buddies that also got laid off for one last get together at a cheap Happy Hour and get plastered one last time. Spend a few bucks here buying everyone a Santa's Little Elf's Hat. The rest of the time you can spend hopelessly looking for a job and bury yourself on the couch in front of the television watching movies and playing video games until after the first of the year when you can get serious about getting on your feet.

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